06 September 2005

Heart-heavy over reality

I just spent most of this past weekend sick as a dog with some stomach bug the kids brought home.

At 3 a.m. Saturday, bowed over the toilet and retching up bile, I had one thought: Thank God I'm here, and not in New Orleans or Mississippi's Gulf Coast, or else I'd be dead.

I took today off because I needed to recharge my soul. We went to visit my family on Sunday once I felt somewhat better and celebrated my little one's first birthday. Wow, where did that year go?

It also forced me away from CNN. My parents, you see, live in a part of the country that can't get cable and a dish won't work because of topography. They get six channels: NBC, CBS, ABC (fuzzy), FOX, PBS and UPN.

I needed that. I broke down in tears before we left our house on Sunday morning, while I was sorting through the kids' clothes, blankets, and shoes to pack off and send to Houston and Baton Rouge.

"We have so much," I wailed to my husband, as I was literally surrounded by kid clothes and blankets a foot deep in any direction. That was the stuff we don't even use.

I'm still crying, so I've spent much of today at home, sorting, shipping, and cleaning our house.

I'll go back to work tomorrow, but my heart will still be incredibly heavy.

Give. Give until it hurts, then give more.

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